OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize