Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
