you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize