I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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