NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
