he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
