NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
