I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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