what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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