I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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