ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
