bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize