i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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