good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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