U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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