Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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