Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
