shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize