no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
