I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize