don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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