i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
