so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
