You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
