And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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