It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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