in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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