i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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