my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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