I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
