It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
