So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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