I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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