I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Farmville is her only friend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
