You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
