dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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