After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
