who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
