when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
