he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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