He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
