Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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