can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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