At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
