i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
