if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
