She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
