I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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