Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
