you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
