She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
