Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
