You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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