i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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