I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
