My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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