she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this is an emotional support booty call
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
