Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
