Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
