Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
