is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize