Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
