dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
