You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
