the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
