we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
