Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
