My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
