Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
