if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
