he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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