Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
