My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
