When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
